Child custody cases can be grueling for all persons involved. You should make your best effort to resolve custody amicably, either directly with your ex or through a legal or mediation process. Be sure to explore all possibilities for joint custody. You should act exclusively in the best interests of your child, and, toward that end, you should minimize the impact of a contested court case. Even if your child will have no direct part in court proceedings, the tension will undoubtedly impact your child at least in an indirect fashion.
If amicable settlement is impossible, then prepare yourself. You must honestly believe that your having sole custody of your child -- at least physical custody, and perhaps legal custody as well -- is firmly in your child's best interest. As a corollary, you should believe that your ex gaining custody will in some way be detrimental to your child's welfare -- and you should prepare hard evidence to back that up. Don't battle for custody out of spite; you must be objective.
You can be sure that your ex will be formulating similar strategies, so take a long, hard look at your own parenting skills, as a third party might view them. How has your ex, or a best friend or relative, criticized your parenting in the past? Be prepared to field questions in court about any behaviors or specific instances in which your parenting skills could be called into question. If you're still engaging in any activity that could be seen in a negative light, then stop. Be ready to call in witnesses who will confirm that you have modified any negative behaviors or activities.
You must be brutally honest about yourself and your own flaws. No parent is perfect, and your ex will expose every last little blemish in your character, exaggerated or not, in an effort to make that point. After taking such a personal inventory, you may find there is still room for compromise; you can always contact your ex before your court date and try to settle beforehand.
Otherwise, you will need to gather concrete evidence: documents, school records, police reports, doctors' reports, phone logs, bank statements, plus testimony from friends, witnesses, experts, home evaluators, and others. You will need evidence both supporting allegations that you will be making against your ex, and defending against any allegations your ex may be making about you. The evidence should be concise; you don't want to burden the court with an excess of paperwork, or annoy the judge with extraneous details.
It is unlikely that you will survive a custody battle without a lawyer. Your lawyer should specialize in family law, with particular experience in contested custody cases. If you're already working with a lawyer whom you like but who does not have this particular kind of experience, then hire a co-counsel who does. Since custody laws vary from state to state or jurisdiction to jurisdiction, be sure that your lawyer has experience in your jurisdiction; hopefully, he or she will be well familiar with the court where your case will be heard, and with the presiding judge. If your lawyer has a history of success arguing cases before your judge, then you stand a good chance of success as well.
It may be worthwhile for you and your ex to together hire an independent evaluator or mediator to assess your case and make objective recommendations to the court. Even if a mediator can't help you and your ex reconcile your positions, he or she will at least give the court a head start.
Finally, stay calm and focused. Blowing up in court will only harm your cause. Even if your ex exaggerates your flaws or introduces questionable evidence, respond calmly, with hard evidence. Take a "time out" if necessary. And stay focused on your child. You must focus on your child's welfare at all times, and let the court know that you only want what is best for your child.
If amicable settlement is impossible, then prepare yourself. You must honestly believe that your having sole custody of your child -- at least physical custody, and perhaps legal custody as well -- is firmly in your child's best interest. As a corollary, you should believe that your ex gaining custody will in some way be detrimental to your child's welfare -- and you should prepare hard evidence to back that up. Don't battle for custody out of spite; you must be objective.
You can be sure that your ex will be formulating similar strategies, so take a long, hard look at your own parenting skills, as a third party might view them. How has your ex, or a best friend or relative, criticized your parenting in the past? Be prepared to field questions in court about any behaviors or specific instances in which your parenting skills could be called into question. If you're still engaging in any activity that could be seen in a negative light, then stop. Be ready to call in witnesses who will confirm that you have modified any negative behaviors or activities.
You must be brutally honest about yourself and your own flaws. No parent is perfect, and your ex will expose every last little blemish in your character, exaggerated or not, in an effort to make that point. After taking such a personal inventory, you may find there is still room for compromise; you can always contact your ex before your court date and try to settle beforehand.
Otherwise, you will need to gather concrete evidence: documents, school records, police reports, doctors' reports, phone logs, bank statements, plus testimony from friends, witnesses, experts, home evaluators, and others. You will need evidence both supporting allegations that you will be making against your ex, and defending against any allegations your ex may be making about you. The evidence should be concise; you don't want to burden the court with an excess of paperwork, or annoy the judge with extraneous details.
It is unlikely that you will survive a custody battle without a lawyer. Your lawyer should specialize in family law, with particular experience in contested custody cases. If you're already working with a lawyer whom you like but who does not have this particular kind of experience, then hire a co-counsel who does. Since custody laws vary from state to state or jurisdiction to jurisdiction, be sure that your lawyer has experience in your jurisdiction; hopefully, he or she will be well familiar with the court where your case will be heard, and with the presiding judge. If your lawyer has a history of success arguing cases before your judge, then you stand a good chance of success as well.
It may be worthwhile for you and your ex to together hire an independent evaluator or mediator to assess your case and make objective recommendations to the court. Even if a mediator can't help you and your ex reconcile your positions, he or she will at least give the court a head start.
Finally, stay calm and focused. Blowing up in court will only harm your cause. Even if your ex exaggerates your flaws or introduces questionable evidence, respond calmly, with hard evidence. Take a "time out" if necessary. And stay focused on your child. You must focus on your child's welfare at all times, and let the court know that you only want what is best for your child.
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